(Humor Piece)

After recuperating from his sex abuse trial Jackson has decided to take on Katrina . Rumor has it he has penned a song to benefit victims of the Louisiana Hurricane, "From the Bottom of My Heart."

Remember, " We Are the World" which Jackson co-wrote with Lionel Richie in 1985 to raise money for Africa ? A great business model: improve your image and help out needy concert promoters and struggling record executives at the same time.

Jackson, who has been living safely on the remote island of Bahrain, said, "It pains me to watch the human suffering taking place in the Gulf region of my country...especially the little boys." (I added that last part, sorry, I couldn't help myself.)

To show his sincerity he has donated the Neverland Ranch to house about 2000 displaced Katrina victims. This seemed like good idea until refuges, banned from entering the Jackson home, began to dissemble the Ferris wheel and roller coaster to make shelters. Santa Barbara Police abruptly corralled the "guests," and took them to a homeless shelter in South Central. Upon arrival the Katrina victims asked to be returned to the devastated New Orleans, claiming that conditions there were still far better.

For Jackson, going back to his roots of singing for charities marks a comeback tortured with speed bumps. His 9/11 charity song, "What More Can I Give?" was shelved after it was discovered the producer made gay porn. This time Jackson claims to have many more upstanding citizens, who tread the straight and narrow joining him in this recording effort, specifically: Snoop Dogg and James Brown.

President George W. Bush may contribute a short rap to the track, says a White House source, to "show he cares."

Can't wait.

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SOUNDSCAN DUMPED BY MAJOR LABELS

Behemoth music distributor Universal Music Group this past month broke ranks with the Big Four and told SoundScan, the industry's primary sales tracking system, to take a hike.

SoundScan (owned by the Nielsen company) has been the industry standard since its release in 1991 and has been a primary contributor towards composing the Billboard charts. Their system uses the bar codes scanned at the point of purchase to create reports that can cost subscribers anywhere from $250 a title (per week) to thousands per year.

Although price was the excuse given by Universal, obsolescence may be the real issue. With only five sources being responsible for over 80% of the major releases (Wal-Mart, Best Buy, Target, Amazon and Starbucks --which SoundScan ignores) labels can simply get sales stats by contacting the outlets directly.

Also, over time as CDs themselves become roof tile, tracking on-lines sales will become the key factor. Enter "media tracking services" like Big Champagne, [http://www.bigchampagne.com/] who claim a technology which tracks singles traded through both legal and illegal Internet file-sharing networks. iTunes and other digital retailers also have a "most downloaded" chart on their websites. These have the added value of being super accurate and almost agenda-free. Even small e-tailers have charts whose positioning and statistics are computer generated, eliminating the malleability of human influence.

In the near future it's likely we'll see chips in all cable boxes that will track TV/music activity and send it back to the mother ship, eliminating the need for Nielsen boxes and their antiquated "report cards" or SoundScan and its imperfect scanners.

It's new world. Glad I don't have to paint it.

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KORN-DOG DEAL: MEGA BUCKS MAJOR LABEL SIGNINGS STILL IN VOUGE

Despite doom & gloom reports of the industry folding (and BTW, I have never subscribed to these) EMI the littlest major in the cluster of the Big Four has just announced a mega signing with Korn . A reported $20 million advance for two albums and a one-third interest in the band's publishing, merchandising and ticket sales as part of a new contractual model.

Industry sycophants, like Billboard proclaim that this new structure is more of a partnership and paves the way for similar deals that make more sense in light of economic changes in the music industry. But, one source who would not go on record said, "Many insiders feel that Korn is old news and is giving up way too much in this deal. It's more likely the band is taking the money and running, ala EMI's past deal with Mariah Carey." (EMI paid Carey over $20,000,000 to terminate their deal with her. It's considered the most expensive buy-out in music business history.)

According to the EMI press release: "...Korn and EMI will...share in the results from the band's overall career, including music publishing, touring, merchandising, sponsorship and ANY other activities." Frontman Jonathan Davis said, "I always felt like I was working for a record company. Now I feel like we have a true partner."

Yes, a partner that now has their hand in EVERY ONE your pockets, not just record sales.

This "partnership" is supposed to eliminate the nasty royalty recoupment corruption that has plagued major label signings for so long, although there will still be many accounting hurdles for artists to deal with.

The Korn deal was brokered by attorney Gary Stiffelman and manager Jeff Kwatinetz who repped the band and on the label side David Munns and Matt Serletic.

The first (and maybe only) album under the new deal, will be released this fall.

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OBITUARY

British record industry pioneer Nat Joseph passed this month. He ran Transatlantic Records, the U.K. 's first significant indie label and helped to launch numerous careers, including Billy Connolly, Mike Oldfield, Bert Jansch and Gerry Rafferty. He was 65.